Day 1

All I felt was the power that grasped my arm tightly and dragged me away from home. It all happened too fast, five minutes ago I was with mother, and now, a prisoner on the truck of death, leading my life to a soldier. Trembling and sweating I sat, trying to figure if I could escape. I was lucky enough to have Lolo and Ignacio with me, but not so lucky to be in a truck with many killer weapons. My heart pounded as we got closer to the mountains, and my only choice to live was to become a soldier. Joining the army was the last thing I wanted, but I had no other option. I was terrified to escape, only knowing the consequence for that would be death. As mad as I was, I couldn’t find the guts to stand up for myself. I felt insecure, out of the boundaries of home, where no one could hear my cries. Forcing myself to become part of the rebel army was the hard part, and now I was known as a revolutionist. I didn’t want to be a human slaughterer. Just the thought of that gave me fears. How could they do this? I asked myself, I felt the urge to escape, but looking around, I had no chance. I looked in Lolo’s eyes and immediately sensed fear. The surroundings were horrifying. Anything coming in, and going out had to be thoroughly checked. It seemed safe from the outside, but inside was what I was afraid of. No one trusted each other with their confidences and friendships, but knowing Lolo and Ignacio were with me did make it feel better, except, not entirely. The thought of having our own guns was somewhat difficult. I was afraid handling an AK-47 would change me as a person. These weapons were designed for death. Knowing I had my own made it worse, I felt a huge weight over my body just handling one, but as a soldier I had to do what I was told otherwise I would soon ‘disappear’ like the others.

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Day 5

While trudging through the forest we had spotted that the loyalists had attacked a village. The sights of all dead bodies made me angry. Although I had never wanted to be involved in the army, seeing what the loyalists did to all these people had changed my perspective greatly. I wanted revenge, I wanted to kill. Then, I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I had so much fear locked up that I didn’t realize how dreadful the loyalists were. Captain Mendoza then told us to start gathering sticks in order to start rituals for the dead. While scavenging for some, I had seen a survivor. She was a girl, and seemed to be badly wounded. I did the only thing I could do, called for help. She was holding something, which we found out was to be her newly born baby brother. As I looked at him, he reminded me of my brother. This baby had brought back great memories in my life, and most importantly, love. Meeting Magdalena and her little brother had changed my whole perspective or war. The loyalists had killed innocent people, for no reason at all. If this was the case then I want to fight. My emotions spilled through me as I tried to think this through thoroughly, but all that came out was war. If this village had been easily attacked, then mother, my sister, and the babies could be headed for next. Anger rushed through me as I imagined the proud faces of the loyalists. No. I couldn’t let that happen. If fighting was going to solve it, then I must fight. Only then did I realize I was someone else. A person who I never knew I could be.

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Forward March

I’m taken away, dragged from home

To somewhere beyond the boundaries

Worried about what’s left behind

One you can’t replace

For now I realized how strong love was

Taken away before my eyes

Will I see them again?

That I know not, only what’s ahead of me

All roads blocked no route to take

But forward to death or victory

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Day 6

I felt the need to assassinate Diaz, along with Juan, Esteban, and Whistler today for kicking me in the ribs. The pain immediately struck me, and anger rushed through my eyes. For days I hadn’t known how the revolution was financed, until today. The thought made me feel uneasy. Captain Mendoza had been stealing, borrowing money to finance the war. He stole the plane out of the bank when the revolutionists captured a town up north. I didn’t like the idea of stealing, even if it gave us a chance to win the war. I thought Captain Mendoza was a good leader, one that didn’t cheat. But as Juan said, you don’t fight fair to win a war, you fight hard. I kept thinking about Mendoza and how he had stolen the airplane. It didn’t make much sense to me. I thought he would be a good leader, and now he stole from the bank? I never thought I had to win the revolution like this, but I wanted to. We had to fight for our freedom, and get us out of poverty so we could enjoy lives like every other man walking this earth. I had to do it, even if stealing was the only option for money; it just had to be done. I had made my decision; I was going to fight for my freedom, and the freedom of the ones I love. Otherwise, the day went by slow as usual, but we did have better food and I was in a way thankful for that.

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Day 7

Doing all those drills didn’t seem to make to confident about our big battle. To me, it just showed if I was good or not, the result, not good. Lolo was a better soldier than me in any way. He could pull the trigger on a man and not feel guilty about it, whereas, I wasn’t that strong. We were separated from each other. Lolo and I had to head down towards the river and use our rifles to shoot the loyalists. Maybe this was it; I could finally show my strength and pull the trigger. Sergeant Diaz had us hidden so none of the men on boats would be able to spot us. My heart started to race from the fear. Not of dying, but of having the guts to shoot. Could I? Then the signal went off. All I heard was continuous sounds coming out from my rifle as if it had a life of its own. The dark shapes each fell to the ground with piercing screams that stung my ears. I couldn’t stop, if there was more soldiers then I wanted to help shoot them down. They had killed many, and I felt the need to kill them. That was it, I did it. I shot the bullets out of my rifle just like that. I felt like a true soldier, like one of them. I felt like I belonged, until I started looking at Lolo. He is everything you could have asked for in a good soldier, and I felt like I was nothing. I wasn’t even sure if I had killed anyone, only sure I had fired. I wanted to talk to someone. Someone I trusted, Lolo, but I didn’t even know if I could anymore.

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Day 8

To be a soldier means you have to obey all rules, and stay loyal to your side. You fight for not only your freedom, but for your country. I have learned once you are on the battle field, its every man for himself. No one can protect you, only you can. Not knowing if Lolo had been ok was something I wish I knew. I wanted to fight alongside with him in the forty-fourth war, and he was one so close to me. I found myself with a bullet wound that could easily bleed. For once I was proud I had killed a loyalist, in fact, many of them. To me this showed I was stronger than I thought, and I could do it. I could shoot a man with a pistol on my own. Soon after I woke up, Nacio had come along and explained to me what the plans of the Captain were. I was extremely shocked. Captain Mendoza was going to send me home. Home to my family where I could see my little brothers, and mother, and sister. As excited as I was, I worried about everyone else. Being on that battlefield can change a person forever. With so much training you know that you are ready for a war, but once you shot that gun, it changes you as a person. Not matter how long you train weather its months or years, that first pistol you shoot will be one you will remember forever. I had become more independent, and if Lolo was here he would have been proud of me. Now being a soldier, I wanted to continue. I didn’t want to head back to he village, even if it meant seeing my family. I wanted to be here and fight the fort-fourth war alongside with Nacio. This time, I would know what to do and wouldn’t hesitate to do it.

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